how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm gonna fight the coyote
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
