so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
