you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Alive.
So much puke
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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