nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
