you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Damn victory sex feels great
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
