What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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