The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just saw a hot homeless man
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
