Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
