My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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