Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
