I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
