I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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