don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
