Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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