I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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