i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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