You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
