Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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