your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
