found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
