why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
