Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
