i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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