I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Randomize
