why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
