i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
