do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
