We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Boobs are out for the taking
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
