My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
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