She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
