I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
