it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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