a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
