I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just took my morning after pill in the library
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
