I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
