my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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