had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
