Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
