As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
