this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
