Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
So squirting runs in the family.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
