You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
