So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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