Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
