you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
