And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
