he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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