I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
