If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
