i just had sex bonerless
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
