I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
