She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
