And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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